As an entrepreneur, you’re forced to be introspective.
If there is something you’re not quite creating or achieving for yourself, you have to look inwards to discover the root of the problem. You’re the only person who is holding yourself back.
Perhaps it’s as simple as doubt around if your desire is truly possible or not fully believing in yourself. Perhaps there isn’t enough of a market for what you’re doing or your offering isn’t enough of a value-add to create change for people. Perhaps you’re not actually the best person for the job and you’re doing it for the wrong reasons.
Either way, it’s entirely on you to get out of your own way.
If you’re stuck, there is no external source to blame.
So, if I’m feeling stuck (which happens in a cyclical pattern as I keep growing), I work to clear the clutter. The mental clutter, the relationship clutter and the physical clutter. Which is why in the last 3 years as I’ve lived in 3 apartments in DC, I’ve been ruthless about purging.
Last month I moved out of my apartment in DC, put my stuff in storage and came back out to the West Coast for a working sabbatical. I took a serious inventory of where I was, what I wanted to do next and how to move forward. Staying in DC, in my apartment, with the network I’d built (and love!) … that was playing safe and would keep me stuck.
I’m using this summer as a reset. Putting all my stuff in storage (again!), I made sure I was only storing things I loved + truly wanted (mostly clothes, books and cookware, haha!).
Which is brings me to the Q that came to me as I was giving away my TV:
What is it that you’re tolerating? And WHY?
This Q is why I felt that pull to hit reset. There was far too much that I was tolerating. And while it may seem inconsequential, I was giving away a perfectly good TV — it works, it’s HD, it’s only a few years old.
But, I realized that if I didn’t give it away, I would keep it. Even if it wasn’t what I actually wanted. Because I had a TV that was ‘good enough,’ I was never going to buy the better HD TV I really wanted that would make watching Grace & Frankie feel like they’re actually hanging out with me in my living room. (At least not for a while.)
I was tolerating OK or even GOOD for the sake of GREAT, BRILLIANT, or UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE.
That TV was just the easy analogy. There was a lot that I was tolerating. Because it was easy. Because it was safe. Because it was what I knew. Because it was the life I’d created for myself, the business I’d grown over 8+ years, the friends who were super supportive, etc.
Of course, it’s not just things we’re tolerating.
It’s the status quo — in our careers, in politics, in equality, in our friendships, in our romantic partners.
Here’s the thing. In certain situations, it can feel like the only option is to tolerate. What can you do? You’re just one person.
Except for the millions of people acting one person at a time are what made a President of the United States issue an executive order to stop the separation of children from their parents entering the US as illegal immigrants. Whatever your stance on immigration, it seemed to cross party lines that separating children from parents the way it was happening is immoral. (Definitely doesn’t entirely solve the problem at hand, but the people made a difference and that is Democracy.)
We didn’t tolerate it. We spoke up. So, it changed.
There are also the record number of women running for office … deciding not to simply tolerate the status quo, but to put themselves out there and do something to change it.
And the summits being organized to bring people together of all genders, races, ages and backgrounds to discuss unconscious bias and how to tackle it. (Because this conversation and awareness is really the root of creating equal opportunity.)
Or the companies and tools to create empathy and opportunity for refugees.
So, even if it feels overwhelming, you can DO it and you are not alone. At the very least, if you’re reading this then you’re in my posse and I’ve got you!
So, what are you tolerating in your life?
Take a serious inventory. (Step 1)
You don’t have to knock it all out at once.
The emotional ones connected to career and relationships are the hardest, so be kind to yourself as you set new boundaries and have to reinforce those boundaries. (Step 2)
The physical ones are the easiest, so perhaps start there for your symbolic clearing of the clutter of tolerance in your home and closet. (Step 3)
Maybe start with your black pants. How many do you have? How many do you wear? How many do you LOVE?
Trust me, I get it. Pants are the WORST. Thank god for jeans, but you can’t wear jeans in every occasion. With personal styling clients in the past, I’d typically have them start with their pants because we can make the most progress there the most quickly. Get rid of all the dumpy butt, baggy front, unflattering pants and stick with the ones that you like the best.
(Now, you may still not love what you keep and so you either need to keep looking to find a pair you LOVE — and only buy it if you love it — OR, you need to stop trying to wear pants altogether because you actually prefer pants and skirts and that’s perfectly OK!)
The less you simply tolerate as the status quo, the more you stop holding yourself back.
So, if you’ve felt stuck, you’ve been holding yourself back and it’s time to take inventory of what you’ve been tolerating.
You can:
- Take the steps that I listed above -OR-
- If you’re ready for support to get to the next level of career/business/life success as a leader, I’ve created in collaboration with Mary Stephenson LeaderSHIFT Style Power. Email hello@catherinecassidy.co for more details on the 6-month program and/or if you’d like to join us for a LIVE video Open Forum on July 10th for more information. Each cohort (LA, DC, SF, NYC) is limited to 12 women.